Today I am grateful for the fact that I'm allowed to say "I'm Sorry". I had a bit of a falling out with one of my classes today. I have a few students who love to tempt me. I have not yet developed the ability to act and speak by the spirit unconditionally. I was provoked and I didn't know how to teach the gospel effectively. So I snapped. A student responded. I snapped some more.
Then I walked out.
Then I cried.
Then I talked to my principal who is wonderful.
I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to go back in, say i was sorry, and teach my class.
Now, I really am a mellow teacher, it takes quite a bit to throw me off kilter. I love my students, and I think that many of them love me. But I had some students who really went too far, really overstepped their bounds. They had plenty of fault. But I didn't behave perfectly. I love being able to say "I'm sorry". It disarms people so quickly. The trick is that you can't be expecting the other person/people to say sorry back.
My principal offered to give them a "talking-to", but I resisted. I have a fear of giving away authority and don't like anyone dealing with my students but me.
So I went back in and said I was sorry for snapping. The student who I thought really disrespected me informed me that he misheard me, and what he said really wasn't rude at all in the context of what he thought I said. Then 3 or 4 more students apologized also. Others may have felt sorry. Others will learn their lesson about remorse on a day that is not today.
Then I taught my class. It was a good class. I feel really embarrassed that I allowed my emotions and insecurities to get the best of me, but I am working on learning to forgive myself.
What are you grateful for today?
*By "snapped" I want everyone to know that I didnt yell, throw things, or do anything cruel or irrepairable.
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